I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
