When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
