I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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