i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
