You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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