It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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