On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
