It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Michael Bay diarrhea
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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