The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
