Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
