I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They took my balls.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
