yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
