I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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