hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
