smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
