Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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