So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
