I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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