Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
