Non-Jews are for practice
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
there is glitter all over my balls
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