just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
