Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
