she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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