You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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