I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
