dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she looked like the before picture.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
