Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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