Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
