the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
