the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
