I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
