just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
