Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
