He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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