its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
