So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
