I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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