he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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