Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
