dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
