The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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