So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
