sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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