well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
