i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
