totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
