I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
