Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
