she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
