i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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