she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Text me some of your sweat
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
