So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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