We're like a lot better than the average bears
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
