how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
